How to be happy by Roger Darlington

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• First of all, be realistic. Nobody is happy all of the time and it is perfectly normal to have variations in moods and feelings from day to day, month to month, and even year to year. According to a study based on data from the British Household Panel Survey, overall levels of happiness decline from one's teens until one's 40s and then pick up until they peak in one's early 70s . So the chances are that your happiest days are yet to come. Doesn't that make you happier? At any time and at any age, though, it is possible to feel happier than you have been and here are some ideas for you to consider.
• Most fundamentally, recognize that happiness is a state of mind and not something which can be defined objectively. You can change your state of mind in many ways including these suggestions.
• Perhaps above all, be as healthy as you can. Nothing is more valuable than your health and little is more likely to make you unhappy than ill-health. For many tips on how to be healthy.
• More importantly than anything else, if you can live with a partner whom you love and respect and who feels the same about you. Kiss and cuddle and compliment often and regularly buy unexpected little gifts. Share your triumphs and your troubles. Evidence shows that a good relationship will not only make you happier; it will enable you to live longer.
• When you're old enough and in a steady relationship, have a son or a daughter. Tell them often how much you love and admire him/her and do anything to help him/her. If you don't have a child, 'borrow' one - spend time with a nephew or niece or a friend's son or daughter or - when you're older - your grandson or granddaughter. Children really do bring joy.
• Have a cat or a dog. Stroke often.
• Keep in close touch with relatives and a small circle of friends. You can't beat their love and support. Don't be afraid to admit when you're down and need a lift. Don't expect them to be mind readers - say how you feel and what you need.
• Conversely, if there's a person in your life who is a negative influence and who is dragging you down in some way, don't be afraid to remove such a person from your life.
• Smile a lot. Smiles make you miles better - and you smiling will make others smile. As Rabbi Nachman of Breslov (1772-1810) put it: “Always wear a smile. The gift of life will then be yours to give.”
• Laugh a lot.
• Say what you mean and mean what you say. Honesty really is the best policy.
• Be politely assertive. Say how you feel and explain what you want. Friends and colleagues can't be mind readers.
• Give lots of compliments. You will make others feel good about themselves and find that this gives you pleasure too.
• Give small gifts to your friends. To give is even more pleasurable than to receive. Or, as the social anthropologist Marshall Sahlins, puts it: "Gifts make friends and friends make gifts."
• For a special thrill, perform acts of kindness anonymously so that the person benefiting does not know that you're responsible. If you don't understand this, watch the French film "Amélie".
• When your birthday or Christmas is coming, prepare a list of the presents you'd like and give it to a partner, relative or friend to 'manage'. That way people won't struggle to choose a gift for you and you'll receive what you want and like.
• Spend less than you earn. The figures may have changed and the decimal system may have arrived, but the lesson is still the same as when, Charles Dickens in "David Copperfield" had Mr Micawber opine: "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen, nineteen, six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds, nought, and six, result misery".
• Use your credit card as a convenient way to pay for your major expenditures on a monthly basis - not to obtain credit at an outrageous level of interest.
• As Shakespeare put it in "Hamlet", "Neither a borrower nor a lender be". Don't borrow money unless you absolutely have to (for instance, to buy a house or car). Don't lend money - even to relatives - unless you genuinely don't mind if it's not repaid.
• Don't gamble. There's enough uncertainty in your life without you adding more - and anyway, in the long run, you can't win. (A little flutter on the lottery is allowed.)
• Give regularly to the charities of your choice. Make at least one of those charities an organization addressing world poverty. Regularly increase your contributions as your income rises.
• If you are a woman, get your hair done. This will always make you feel better about yourself. I'm afraid I don't know of a male equivalent to this pick-me-up.
• Surround yourself with pleasant smells. Have flowers, pot-pourri or scented candles in most rooms of the house and in your office.
• Stay close to nature. Have flowers and plants in your home and office. Spend time in the garden or local park. Take walks in the countryside and by the seaside.
• Every so often, spend a little time observing the night sky. As you contemplate the distances and time involved, it will put your life and your concerns into more perspective.
• Read a quality newspaper on a daily basis. Learning is fun and the easiest way to learn is to check out news and features each day so that, over time, your knowledge and interests grow and deepen.
• Take a weekly or monthly magazine reflecting a personal interest. You'll come to really look forward to each new issue, like a visit from a friend.
• Read regularly and widely. Good fiction will widen your vocabulary and put you in touch with your emotions, while a range of non-fiction will extend your knowledge and interests.
• Listen to some rousing music. For classical music, try Saint-Saëns Symphony No 3 (organ) or Beethoven's Symphony No 9 ('Ode To Joy'). For popular music, try "Atomic" by Blondie or "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
• Have a favourite television programme, so that you can really look forward to seeing it. Mine used to be "Friends" and then "The West Wing".
• Watch "It's A Wonderful Life" on Christmas television every few years . It's really life-affirming.
• Go out and see a good movie. A romantic comedy - something like "Bridget Jones's Diary" or "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" - usually works well.
• Treat yourself often to something 'cheap and cheerful' that you like - chocolates, flowers, a magazine, a cake, a CD. It costs little and you're worth it.
• Cultivate a few favourite places to eat and drink outside the home. Then, when you go to familiar café or restaurant where you like the ambience and the menu and the staff know you, you'll feel comfortable and content.
• Stretch yourself physically. At the mimimum, regularly go for a brisk walk - it will raise your spirits. If you can, join a gym and take more vigorous exercise - it will make you feel good and lengthen your life. Aerobics, Pilates, and yoga are other possibilities.
• Stretch yourself mentally. Go on courses on different subjects - they don't have to be academic courses (they can be at your local college) and they don't have to be long (they can be as short as a day or even half day). Read books on subjects with which you are unfamiliar but in which you have an interest.
• Stretch yourself geographically. Go to places you've never seen before. Even in your home town, try taking a different route than usual and notice the different locations that you've never seen before.
• Do something you've never done before, like visiting a particular art gallery or museum or going to a ballet or opera (or even just taking a different route to a familiar location). You'll probably surprise yourself at how much love it and you'll have found a new interest.
• Do something creative. This might be writing stories or poems; it might be painting pictures or learning to play an instrument; it might be gardening or growing food.
• Join a group with a purpose that meets regularly. This might be a drama group or choir; it might be a political party or campaign group; it might be a further education course.
• If you can afford it, take regular holidays in different countries and savour different cultures [for some ideas.
• Keep a gratitude journal. This is a notebook in which every week or so you list those things for which you're currently grateful.
• Keep a diary. It will give structure to your life, an easy way to revisit good times, and a reminder that bad times don't last.
• Take lots of photos. You'll love looking at happy times and old friends.
• Have a political vision on how to create a better world - and do something to make that vision more of a reality.
• If you can believe, have a religious faith. (I can't. I believe that this life is all there is - so, all the more reason to make it happy).